“Is something wrong?”, “Are you mad?”, “Why haven’t I seen you?”, “How come you didn’t join us at the event?”, “Why did you leave early?”, “Why are you so abrupt in your replies?”
The things I hear daily. I’ve announced several weeks ago that I have a health condition that is getting worse. Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, adrenal fatigue, chronic fatigue, and who knows what else. These things make me tired. Sometimes being tired makes me irritable. Sometimes I’m just too tired to socialize. Sometimes my bones and joints ache so bad the best I can muster is the work I must do to pay my bills. And when push comes to shove, whatever energy my body allows must go to that very vital work so I can pay for the healthcare I need.
I don’t go places sometimes, or make idle chit chat, or try to explain why I can’t come or I leave early because no one wants to be THAT girl. The one who complains. The one who reminds people constantly that she’s sick. The whiner. The weak one.
So I do my work, I answer what needs to be answered, I accept more work, write my proposals, and skip routines or tasks that are not necessary if I can’t do them. I don’t make excuses. I don’t sugar coat a conversation. I don’t try to make you feel better, or feel sorry for me. All I ask in return is for you to know that I’m not mad, avoiding you specifically, avoiding events specifically, am generally happy and joyful, am my normal self, and to respect my space when I need it. Unless you really, really want to know how I’m feeling you don’t need to ask. What I mean is, you don’t have to feel obligated to ask so I “know you care”. I know you do. Or don’t. Whatever.
That’s enough really, isn’t it? You know I’m sick. I know you care. Why talk about it? Why bring it up? Why pester me with questions of why I’m treating you different and just take a little time to remember I’M NOT MAD, I’m just tired, and achy, and frustrated but I’m not going to complain about it, I don’t really want to talk about it, but I don’t want to have to cater to your feelings either because you think I’m mad at you all the time. I’m not.
Am I avoiding things? Yes. Social settings. Drama. Demanding or needy people. Tasks not pertinent to my business that are either physically or emotionally draining. It’s not about you. It could just be laundry.
Let’s just move on, do business, be casual, and call it a day. I’ll be back among the living, carefree world you’re in soon. And for that we can all be grateful. It’s just not today.